Senses over Consensus
a journey back to ourselves with three simple questions
A month ago, I was able to spend five privileged days by myself eating, exploring, and doing whatever I wanted. The thought was that my nervous system was going to relax and I was going to come home with a greater sense of ease. This happened, mostly, but as I tend to do, I also churned some things up!
I cannot help myself — I am a 6/2 Manifesting Generator in Human Design, a futuristic thinker, and I am always looking to optimize, improve, and grow. It is hard for me to “be here now”, especially with the political climate these days.
The biggest theme that came up in my deep work was “where I am finding my joy?” As I was sitting alone, able to do whatever I wanted to do, I felt a sense of loneliness and dis-ease.
I am going through a huge personal exploration right now, and as a curious person, I tend to Google/ Chat GPT/text friends/ reach out to Expanders to help guide my way. People who have been somewhere before me have always had a honorable place in my world. But, between researching and hearing different opinions, I feel lost. Full paralyzation, scared, and unsure of what the right decision is.
As I mentioned in last week’s newsletter, I loved this conversation with Martha Beck talking about following the warmth in your life — the things that feel flowy, aligned, and integrated. So much of my life right now is deeply misaligned that my bones are cold, and it feels impossible to ever be warm again.
From the outside, it looks good — I have a successful career, have been with my husband for 10 years, we have two healthy children, and own a few homes. Yet, something feels fundamentally wrong. I have lost my joy. I am not sure I have ever known sustainable joy.
Consensus would say “this looks great”, keep doing what you are doing. But, my sense says that something needs to change in this life.
Martha Beck emphasizes the importance of trusting your own senses and intuition rather than conforming to group agreement or popular opinion. She argues that personal experiences and feelings are vital for authentic living. Relying on consensus can lead to a disconnection from one's truest self and desires and by tuning into our own senses, we can make decisions that align more closely with our values and aspirations, fostering a more fulfilling life.
Although, I blew my life up once when I was 28 , it is not an option to quit everything, homeschool my children, and homestead on a farm growing my own food. And, would this even make me happy? I would miss my friends, my house, my income. Yet, I do crave a simpler life, one that is genuine and slow.
Joy to me looks like being present with my children. Being off my phone from 4:30pm until the next morning. Waking up refreshed from abstaining from alcohol. Finding affection, vulnerability, and openness with my husband. Being honest and not lying to myself. Letting go of anger and resentment towards people who do not treat me or others well. Living my spiritual purpose. Having a soul-led career. Spending time with friends whose cups are filled with deep conversation.
Consistently, most of this is not currently happening, and I am not sure why. All of this would make me feel whole, and yet I choose the other way - often numbing, looking at other people’s experiences, and living in this distracted world.
As we enter into a colder season both physically and in our culture, my senses say I need to look for the warmth. Because where there is warmth, there will be joy. For me warmth feels open, and tender, and genuine. It’s taking the pause to see how I really feel. It’s speaking my truth even when I am scared. It is not pushing my body, mind, or spirit to the brink. It is composting anxiety and anger and fear that no longer serves me and my body. It is saying no, when I actually want to say no. It is being present, and not missing the good stuff like the changing colors of my maple tree, the comforting sound of rain when I am inside my home, a crackling fire, homemade chicken soup, and my children’s laughing voices.
It is writing when I feel like I have something to say.
My growth will not happen in one week, or even one year. The changes I am wanting to make could take a decade and I am here for the journey. I don’t want to wake up one day and feeling like I am missing the important things, focused so much on “what’s next” and not enjoying the here and now. My children will not be the same tomorrow as they are today, and life will always keep moving along.
I encourage you all to think of where you are using consensus over your senses on what is right for you. Where are you misaligned? Not following your inner truth? Quieting your own opinions to let someone else who is louder shine through? Listening to the noise of social media rather than focusing on the work you know you need to do.
Our collective homework is to ask ourselves these three questions each morning, and reflect for a few minutes:
How do I feel? What do I need? What do I want?
It is an arduous ask to write new stories for ourselves, but we can do it together, okay?
As a coach, I often feel like I should have this all figured out myself.
That is not my job.
My job is to hold space for myself (and for you) to feel what we feel, and ask you the same questions I am asking myself to get us to our uniquely aligned selves. If you wanna have this conversation with me, let’s talk. This might just be your time to write yourself a new story and I would love to help.
Be Well,
Kari